去年随着某国产综艺的风靡,掀起了一股“文物风”,博物馆也成了大家的日常打卡圣地。那么对于我们的SAT写作而言,亚太地区也是对“文物保护”话题颇为偏爱。从17年呼吁归还希腊文物,到今年3月探讨埃及宝藏,在这两篇话题相似的文章中我们如何找出规律破解解题思路呢,让我们先来对这两篇文章进行一下比对。
真题比较:“A lovely Stone” VS “Looting Egypt's Heritage”
话题相似度:90%
阅读难度:A lovely Stone: 涉及较多专业词汇 (五颗星)
Looting Egypt's Heritage: 文风平实,词汇浅显易懂(三颗星)
分析难度:A lovely Stone: 写作手法较为明显 (三颗星)
Looting Egypt's Heritage: 全文结构解读及手法选取较难 (五颗星)
由此可见,在考场中越易读懂的文章可能手法找取难度越大,反之亦然。“国宝”的相关话题都会通过作者丰富的写作技巧达到唤起读者情感共鸣的目的,“Looting Egypt's Heritage” 这一篇也遵循了这一规律。下面我们一起从整篇文章的情感变化角度来重温3月亚太的真题。
Egypt's future lies in its history, particularly its archaeological history. For hundreds of years the mystery and wonders of the pyramids, the sphinx and the Valley of the Kings have attracted visitors from around the world. Tourism is the lifeblood of Egypt's economy and touches the lives of most Egyptians, whether they work as tour guides, restaurant owners, craftsmen or bus operators. Egypt's history holds the prosperity of the country's future generations, including that of youths — more than 40 million Egyptians are age 30 or younger — who are seeking opportunities.
作者开门见山,让读者意识到历史文物对埃及的重要性。这样一来,即使是对埃及国情不甚了解的读者也会开始关注这一话题,并对埃及的经济与民生流露出一番同情之情。
But thieves are raiding our archaeological sites and selling their findings to the highest bidders. They are taking advantage of Egypt's security situation to loot our nation' seconomic future and steal from our children.
“But”一词提示考生本段内容与上一段的背景形成一定的转折关系。即在开篇有了一定背景铺垫后,作者真正让读者认识到埃及本土文物盗窃等问题异常严峻。有了上一段背景补充后,读者会对这一令人心痛的问题引起更强烈关注。
Egyptians need the people and the government of the United States to support our efforts to combat the systematic and organized looting of our museums and archaeological sites. Imagine a world in which the stories of King Tut, Cleopatra, Ramesses and others were absent from the collective consciousness. And with much of our history still waiting to be discovered under the sand, the potential losses are staggering. Antiquities theft is one of the world’s top crimes — after the trafficking of weapons, narcotics and people — but it is seldom addressed.
在 “A lovely Stone”一文中, 作者曾用旷世佳作《蒙娜丽莎》进行类比,以引起读者的情感认同。本段中作者不仅指出文物盗窃与贩卖武器,毒品和人口等问题一样严峻,而且提及大量广为大众读者所熟知的文物和历史人物,进而达到引起读者对该问题痛恨之情的目的。
Egyptian antiquities are flooding international markets. Recent auctions at Christie’s in London and New York included several items from Egypt. Fortunately, when contacted, Christie’s in London withdrew a number of items that had been stolen from the tomb of King Amenhotep III, discovered in 2000 in Luxor. Among the items was a steatite bust of an official dating from 1793 to 1976 B.C.
作者在本段中使用的例子可不是随意为之,考生通过这一系列熟悉的地名应该能感受出作者是特意引用了较为经典的Example,来证明文物非法买卖盗窃行为的猖獗。再加上作者提及文物的昂贵价值,读者无不心痛。
Although arrests were made in this case, and two auction houses in Jerusalem canceled the sale of 126 antiquities after being contacted by Egyptian officials, the tide unfortunately flows in the other direction. After being contacted by the Egyptian foreign ministry, other auction houses have been unwilling to cooperate with requests to delay or cancel sales of items that experts assess have been stolen. Among those who make their money selling antiquities, cooperation with the Egyptian government has been mixed at best.
段内Contrast论证。转折之后作者指明诸多拍卖行知法犯法,对埃及文物的破坏不可估量。那么不仅是埃及本国读者,国际读者知道了这一实际情况后肯定会义愤填膺。第二页继续...
Looting is a centuries-old business and a crime that Egyptians will no doubt be fighting for years, especially during difficult economic times. Our country is willing to take a strong stand. No one can forget the stark images of Egyptians — men and women, Muslims and Christians, young and old — creating a human shield to protect the Egyptian Museum in Cairo during the 2011 revolution. Still, thieves succeeded in stealing several items from its collection. Despite our government’s best efforts to retrieve those artifacts, more than 50 items, including some from the famous King Tut tomb, remain missing.
本段中,读者会了解到埃及政府努力抵制文物掠夺行为。当读者感叹政府力度之大时却发现,尽管如此,此问题依然没有得到真正的解决。不难想象,读者此时心中定会充满紧迫感危机感,同时也会希望官方再次加大打击力度。
In the Aug. 14 attack on the Malawi National Museum, in Minya, more than 1,000 items were taken: statues more than3,500 years old; jewelry from the time of the ancient Pharaohs; Greco-Romang old coins. When security forces tried to stop them, the thieves burned some items they could not take, including mummies.
本段中Example依然是比较突出的手法。通过详细的例证,读者会脑补出犯罪者们丑恶的嘴脸。由此,读者的正义感油然而生,并且也愿意身体力行的对这一问题进行自觉抵制。读者还会反省自身,特别是文物收藏爱好者群体一定会意识到这种交易与收藏的非法性和不道德性。
Every day, Egyptians risk their lives to prevent organized gangs from stealing our heritage. Our country is not the only place under attack: Iraq, Syria, Libya, Peru and Guatemala are suffering similar assaults on their heritage. Halting these crimes on our civilization will require a coordinated global effort — from both the “producers” and the “consumers.”
本段接近全文的尾声,作者把问题涉及的范围进一步扩大化。通过论述让读者意识到这是一个世界性的问题。发达国家和发展中国家,“卖家”与“买家”都应该行动起来。正所谓“没有买卖,就没有伤害”。
It is our common duty, in Egypt and around the world, to defend our shared heritage. International institutions, governments, business, archaeologists and other experts must come together to explore how to help countries in need protect their treasures. The efforts of groups such as the International Coalition to Protect Egyptian Antiquities are appreciated — but much more aid is necessary. The youths of Egypt deserve more. There is no time to waste.
最后的最后Pathos越来越明显。延续议论文的惯有风格,到文末时作者一定是呼吁呼吁再呼吁!保护文物,迫在眉睫!
除了从“情感”角度对全文进行把握,我们下面再将文章结构和手法两部分进行详细解读:
文章结构
P1-P3提出问题----掠夺埃及文物会对该国经济与人民造成严重危害,而这一问题也需要引起国际社会的重视。
P4-P7说明问题----通过“二分法”说明一方面文物买卖问题严峻,另一方面文物掠夺问题严重。
P8-P9 解决问题----国际社会诸多相关方应该同心协力保护埃及文物。通过对全文行文结构的梳理不难发现,本文是可以写全文Reasoning的。但是考虑到考场时间有限,更多的考生可能更愿意选取局部Reasoning来写,下面就结合三大类写作手法,来为同学们在手法选择方面提供一些有价值的参考。
手法选取
Evidence
Example:P4&P5----大量埃及文物被非法买卖;P7:----文物盗窃异常猖獗;
Historical Fact:P6---埃及政府与人民曾为文物保护做出过的伟大努力。
Reasoning
Contrast:P5----虽然文物非法买卖遭到埃及政府的限制,但是很多国际拍卖行仍然在继续对文物的拍卖行为。P6----虽然埃及政府努力打击掳掠文物的行为,但是偷盗行文依然严峻,需要更多努力进行抵制。
Persuasive Elements
diction:文章出现很多词汇或短语体现该问题的重要性,如: “lifeblood” in P1; “Steal from our children” in P2; “And with much of our history still waiting to be discovered under the sand, the potential losses are staggering.” In P3 等等
Pathos: 本文是感情较为“充沛”的文章,但是学生较为集中的选择了文章结尾部分,及P8&P9来分析情感共鸣。
梳理了全文较为突出的一些手法后,来看一篇8/6/8分的考场作文,一起找出这篇文章的改进方案。
Sample Essay score 8 / 6 / 8
Archaeological history is an important and crucial element of Egypt’s future. The passage strongly urges the reader to take action in protecting the cultural Artifacts of Egypt. The writer Mohamed Ibrahim want the reader to understand the loss of cultural heritage that Egypt is suffering, and in persuading the audience to feeling the importance of protecting these cultural heritages. The writer accomplishes this goal by a variety of methods such as usage of statistics, evidences, various persuasive techniques, and so on.
The writer made use of strong supporting evidence throughout the paragraphs. The author mentioned stolen artifacts from “the tomb of King Amenhotep III” have been withdrew from an auction in London. The writer later on mentioned the auction in Jerusalem was also canceled, and saved 12b antiquities. All of these events are evidences that the writer wanted to show to address to the fact that these losses of artifacts can lead to the down fall of Egypt’s archeological history. The writer also mentioned the 2011 revolution in Egypt and “more than 50 items” still remain missing. All of these are concrete facts of what happened in the past. “Aug.14 attack” also support the writer’s claim on the situation’s urgency. Mentioning of numbers such as “1000 items were missing” and “statues more than 3,500 years old”. All of these facts and evidence further candidates the writer’s argument, that the security measurements are need to be taken to secure these artifacts.
The writer made use of pathos throughout the article, as well as many other persuasive devices. The writer used first person like “our” or “we”, and this provokes a patriotic sense of feeling among the audience. Word choices such as “they” targets directly to a group of individuals that steal and sell these antiquities, and this can achieve a feeling of anger among the readers. The writer also had appeal to ethos in the passage, “other auction houses have been unwilling to cooperate with requests to delay…” this set up the ethical choices for readers to consider on whether that having auctions of these national artifacts would be appropriate. Strong words such as “defend”, “stealing”, “fighting”, “civilization”, and so on. All of these words allow a sense of national warty to be established in the article. The writer’s appeal to logos was also very strong. In the first part, the writer emphasized on Egypt’s tourism business, and not protecting these cultural artifacts will inevitably lead to “40 million Egyptians” at the age of “30” or younger no finding any opportunity. The usage of metaphor in describe the people as a “human shield” allows a very strong image to be carved into the readers’ mind, leaving strong impression.
The passage first introduce the topic, and as something that is long terming to the general public. Loss of cultural heritage means loss of tourism. The writer followed it up by a series of evidences and supporting materials. The cultural heritage is truly an important aspect of Egyptian culture and nation, and it should be unignored by the people.
从分数中就能看出本文属于高分文章中的“残文”。Reading 与Writing两个角度拿到满分,说明考生对于全文理解与解读正确且写作功底较为到位。但是我们现在需要重点来分析一下本文在Analysis维度失分的具体原因:
文章只有两个主体段,不符合咱们推荐的“五段式”;
两个主体段直观说明三大类写作手法没有全覆盖,缺少了Reasoning这个角度。请大家一定注意,如果缺少手法类别,分析不会超过6分!
在第一个主体段中,考生几乎是在通过罗列的方式向阅卷老师展示自己找到的论据。虽然较为全面,但如果我们仔细阅读会发现,该考生找到每一处论据后都没有具体分析这一论据对于读者、文章结构与主旨方面的影响。因此在文章手法挑选的过程中,我们切记“贪多嚼不烂”。可以允许考生在一个主体段中就一个写作手法选择两处文内具体的体现,即我们在课堂上讲解的段内分层结构。但是分层结构不建议超过两层,不然大家在有限的时间内就会出现泛泛而谈的现象,反而在分析维度造成失分。
在第二个主体段中,建议考生可以选择pathos、ethos、logos其中一点具体展开,而不要又出现了“面面俱到”但分析不深入的现象。尤其是选择pathos这个角度时,可以对readers具体进行分类,探讨不同相关方的不同阅读体悟。切忌“蜻蜓点水,点到为止”的分析方式。
通过对3月真题的解读以及“残文”的评析,希望各位考生在备考过程中对每一篇练习文章以及每一份例文评析都能进行主动思考,有所反思有所收获。
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