奥巴马在2009年9月在美国中学以《我们为什么要上学》为主题的演讲视频在中国乃至世界持续产生了很大的影响,拥有巨大的点击量,尤其是在2015年9月开学期间这篇演讲在中国的微信朋友圈中疯传。这篇演讲发自肺腑、励志、感人,值得所有的学生、老师和家长反复观看和学习。今天,我重点从托福和SAT写作角度剖析奥巴马这篇演讲稿,帮助同学们学习这篇感动世界的开学演讲中蕴含着的托福和SAT写作满分的密码,从而取得托福和SAT写作的高分,甚至满分。
奥巴马演讲的语言风格最为明显的特征就是:大量并列排比结构的运用。同学们可以学习模仿这位哈佛大学法学博士,首位连任两届的美国黑人总统是如何运用并列排比结构来增强自己语言的多样性,内容的丰富性和论证的气势和说服力的。
并列排比结构可以是词汇的并列、可以是短语的并列、可以是从句的并列、也可以是主句的并列,还可以是例子的并列。通过并列排比结构的运用可以拓展主体段例证的细节,充实主体段内容的丰富性,并且增强整个托福SAT论说性议论文的说服力。
一、词汇的并列排比在奥巴马开学演讲中的体现
词汇的并列主要是实词(名词、动词、形容词、副词)的并列,词汇的并列运用可以渗透在主体段的说理和解释的过程中,作为举例和拓展细节的重要手法,也能够让语言显得更加丰富多样。
“And no matter what you want to do with your life, I guarantee that you‘ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You cannot drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You‘ve got to train for it and work for it and learn for it.”
如下划线部分所示:在这段内容中,奥巴马通过并列一些名词:doctor, teacher, police officer, nurse, architect, lawyer等,以及通过动词的并列排比:train, work, learn,来拓展细节,举例论证强调了观点:不管将来做,都应该接受基本的教育才能够胜任。
二、短语的并列排比在奥巴马开学演讲中的体现
短语的并列可以是:形容词短语、介词短语、不定式短语、现在分词短语、过去分词短语等。在托福SAT写作的主体段论证过程中,可以通过一些短语的并列排比来拓展细节。
“That’s why today I‘m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education -- and do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending some time each day reading a book.”
在这段话中,奥巴马通过动名词短语的并列:doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending some time each day reading a book,来指出学生可能的“目标”类型进行了举例拓展。
三、从句的并列排比在奥巴马开学演讲中的体现
从句的并列排比可以是主语从句、宾语从句、表语从句、同位语从句的并列排比;可以是定语从句的并列排比,也可以是各种状语从句的并列排比。
“But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, the best schools in the world -- and none of it will make a difference, none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities, unless you show up to those schools, unless you pay attention to those teachers, unless you listen to your parents and grandparents and other adults and put in the hard work it takes to succeed. That’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education.”
在这段话中,奥巴马通过4个unless引导的条件状语从句的连环并列排比突出强调了自己的演讲主题“学生自己要承担自己教育的责任”,否则即使有负责的老师,即使有支持的家长,即使有最好的学校,一切都是白搭。这样的并列的气势使得论证的气势大大加强。
四、整个主句的并列排比在奥巴马开学演讲中的体现
整个主句的并列排比结构用在托福或者SAT的写作主体段中,可以对一些宏观性的题目:比如涉及政府、社会、时代、国家、科技、环境、城市等,进行举例,显得角度多样,内容充实。
例1:“Now, I‘ve given a lot of speeches about education. And I’ve talked about responsibility a lot. I‘ve talked about teachers’ responsibility for inspiring students and pushing you to learn. I‘ve talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and you get your homework done, and don‘t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with the Xbox. I’ve talked a lot about your government‘s responsibility for setting high standards, and supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren’t working, where students aren‘t getting the opportunities that they deserve.”
在这段话中,奥巴马用了4个I’ve开头的完成时态句子并列排比来分别说明自己已经强调过了“老师”在教育中的责任,强调过了“父母”在教育中的责任,也强调过了“政府”在教育中的责任。但是,今天重点要强调“学生自己”在教育中的责任。
例2:“Maybe you‘ll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community. Maybe you’ll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all young people deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you‘ll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn.”
在本段中,奥巴马通过3个Maybe you’ll decide to的并列结构来拓展细节,说明学生可以回尝试做出很多方面的积极改变。
例3:“The truth is, being successful is hard. You won‘t love every subject that you study. You won’t click with every teacher that you have. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right at this minute. And you won‘t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.”
在这段话中,奥巴马通过4个并列的句子(其中3个以You won’t开头的句子),来针对首句“The truth is, being successful is hard.”这句抽象的观点,进行具体的阐述和说明:说明成功不是一帆风顺的,学生可能会遇到一系列的不顺利的事情。同学们要注意学习这样的手法,让自己在托福和SAT写作中的任何一个抽象的观点都要有例子和细节的证据支撑和拓展。
例4:“So today, I want to ask all of you, what‘s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a President who comes here in 20 or 50 or 100 years say about what all of you did for this country?”
在这段话中,奥巴马通过四个what开头的问句来连环排比提问,引发了学生对于自己未来梦想的思考。这样的排比+问句的手法很有气势!
例5:“So I expect all of you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down. Don‘t let your family down or your country down. Most of all, don’t let yourself down. Make us all proud.”
在演讲的最后,奥巴马通过三个连环的I expect排比句型,以及三个Don’t let...down的排比结构层层递进来号召同学们行动起来,不要让自己、家人和国家失望!将演讲提升到了高潮!同学们也可以像这样在托福后者SAT写作的全文最后结尾部分提出一定的引申和建议。
五、例子的并列排比在奥巴马开学演讲中的体现
将例子的并列排比运用在一个托福或者SAT的主体段内,能够极大地充实主体段内容,增强例证的丰富性和例证的广泛性,避免以偏概全和空洞论证。同学们可以学习下面这段例子并列排比手法的运用来增强自己托福或者SAT写作主体段例证充分度和细节完善度。
“Where you are right now doesn‘t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one‘s written your destiny for you, because here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future. That’s what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.
Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn‘t speak English when she first started school. Neither of her parents had gone to college. But she worked hard, earned good grades, and got a scholarship to Brown University -- is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to becoming Dr. Jazmin Perez.
I’m thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who‘s fought brain cancer since he was three. He’s had to endure all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer -- hundreds of extra hours -- to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind. He‘s headed to college this fall.
And then there’s Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods in the city, she managed to get a job at a local health care center, start a program to keep young people out of gangs, and she‘s on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.
And Jazmin, Andoni, and Shantell aren’t any different from any of you. They face challenges in their lives just like you do. In some cases they‘ve got it a lot worse off than many of you. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their lives, for their education, and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same.”
在开头,奥巴马首先提出了主题句:在美国你书写你自己的命运。然后通过三个并列的不同事迹的真实例子,分别是:Jazmin Perez,Andoni Schultz和Shantell Steve三个人物的故事来作为充实的例证来支持自己的观点:在美国,无论你的出身和条件怎样,最终你自己决定自己未来的命运。这三个例子内容细节非常详实:有who, where, what, why, how, when这样的细节要素,并且例子切题,具有典型性。说完这三个例子之后,最后,他总结了这三个例子,重申了段落开头的观点:“所有的学生都要像例子中的人物学习,来对自己的未来负责,永不放弃”。这样的结构和内容完美地体现了例子的三要素:例子的引入+例子的实质内容+例子的扣题性解释。这样的内容,不仅具有说服力,还具有很强的励志效果。非常值得同学们认真体会和学习,讲这样的结构和手法用在自己托福和SAT写作中,很难不取得高分,甚至满分。
当然,这篇文章在观点明确、结构思路清晰、逻辑连贯、论证充分、让步合理、语言丰富等很多方面都有大量的亮点值得挖掘和学习,由于篇幅所限,这次我们重点从“并列排比结构”这样一个奥巴马演讲最为突出的特点出发来分析和解剖了同学们可以在托福和SAT写作的语言和论证中借鉴和学习的满分密码和武器。同学们可以尝试模仿和改写这些例子,尝试在自己的写作中运用一些词汇的并列、短语的并列、从句的并列、主句的并列以及例子的并列来让自己的托福和SAT作文具有总统演讲般的说服力和魅力光彩,从而在考试中脱颖而出!
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(编辑:马菲)