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2014年6月北美考场SAT 11分考生作文点评

2014-07-09 15:54

来源:新东方网

作者:北京新东方 刁爽

北美的这道题目虽考“性格”,但实考“经历”,基本是一道很开放的题目。

  当6月SAT考场上很多亚洲考生面对“moving from one community to another”这个考题伤脑筋时,北美地区再次福利来袭,考了一道非常简单的“性格决定成功”的题目,令不少北美的考生暗自叫爽。北美的这道题目虽考“性格”,但实考“经历”,基本是一道很开放的题目。考生既可以同意,写具体的某种性格决定成就,结合挑权、创造力或者逆境等等开展,也可以不同意,写性格和成功之间的非相关关系,即决定成功的还有其它因素,比如运气、勤奋等。尤其是这样的题目,大家都会写,但是如何从众多的作文中脱颖而出,取得高分也是一件很具挑战性的事情。今天我们来看一篇高分,韩同学运用她对于SAT作文技巧娴熟的掌握,取得了令人满意的11分。

开头段有多种方法,很多同学都知道,引用名言是阅卷老师非常青睐的一种引入方法,但是总觉得好的引言可遇而不可求。

  FDR, the 32nd president of the United States once states that “only the people who have certain character are able to achieve success.” Although his statement sounds very definitive, I strongly believe in him. I would hazard that only people who are brave and steadfast are able to be successful. Therefore, it is valid that the person’s character does determine that person’s success in life.

  开头段有多种方法,很多同学都知道,引用名言是阅卷老师非常青睐的一种引入方法,但是总觉得好的引言可遇而不可求。韩同学在本篇开头,巧用美国总统罗斯福的名言,切名言切中要害,回应主题,令人拍手称快。其实大家不必对于名人名言太过谨慎保守,大可敢于运用,阅卷老师更看重的是你的思路,而不会纠缠你是否写得完全正确,甚至编写一则名言也是可以大胆使用的方法。

韩同学在开头段落中,细化character,提出具备brave & steadfast性格的人更容易获得成功。

接下来的两个例子分别详细阐述了,这样性格的人分别怎样在人生中攀上巅峰。

  One compelling example that illustrates the ideas that people’s characters determine their success is the story of Django Rehart, who is very determined. Django, a gospy guitarist, who single-handedly created a new style of jazz music, has been revered and imitated without cease since his death in 1954. In his case, single-handed is not just lip service since his left hand was severely crippled in a fire—only two fingers in his fingering still had full functionality. Encountered such an unfair fate, Django is able to achieve success because of her character, that is he never gave up. It seemed like he will never play the guitar again. However, facing the predicament of life, he didn’t give up. Bedridden for 18 months, Django kept practicing systematically, and he worked out a way to deal the plight, that is, how to play the guitar with merely two fingers left. Although he met lots of troubles while practicing, his brave and firm character helped him to get over everything. He ultimately created a new fingering system that became popular around the whole world. Examining Djago’s story closely, we can clearly see that it is his brave and firm character that contribute most to his success.

  韩同学在开头段落中,细化character,提出具备brave & steadfast性格的人更容易获得成功。接下来的两个例子分别详细阐述了,这样性格的人分别怎样在人生中攀上巅峰。在第一个Body段落中,韩同学使用了残疾吉它手Django Rehart的故事,讲述了这位音乐家如何从逆境中走出,创新了音乐的表现形式,用两根手指继续自己的音乐生涯,谱写了一曲不屈服与命运的赞歌。这个段落既有创新,也有逆境,很容易写跑偏,或者事实部分出现一些冗余。但是韩同学没有游离主题,让主人公勇敢和笃定性格在逆境的波折中展现出来,让主人公的创新成为他坚持的结果,没有失去对于细节的驾驭,反而更好地呈现出了人物的性格与最终获取成功的关系。这也与开头部分FDR的名言相呼应,美国的这位伟大的总统,不也正是在逆境中让人们见识到他卓越的才能和过人的勇气吗。

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